No paddling this weekend

DM left a message this evening. He's completely wiped out and will be sleeping in tomorrow morning, so we won't be going kayaking. I made a call to Brian to see if I could join him and Kent at the DC Lambda Squares picnic, but I don't think he's going to have room for me, so it seems that I'll be at loose ends for the weekend. I've got a copy of the Blade; maybe there'll be something of interest in there.

The jig is up

My friend Ett is a great fan of Suede, so when I attended her C1 dance on Monday, I told her about my journal entry that linked to an MP3 of her rendition of "The Ones Who Aren't Here" and Suede's nice note back to me in response of an email I sent to her. Ett didn't know about my journal, so I sent her a link to the journal and links to the entries concerning Suede's music.

Ett is also probably Russell's best friend in the whole world, so now I have to face the music and tell him about my journal too, because she'll probably let it slip at some point. I'm not even going to ask her to keep it from him; that's just cowardly. I haven't mentioned it to him because I didn't want him to get too wrapped up in what I was up to. I wanted to be able to write what I wanted without being afraid that I would inadvertently hurt him.

He's traveling in New York and New England this week; I'll tell him about the journal when he returns. I'm sure he'll have plenty to say on the subject.

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Russell has called me a couple of times since he's been away just to say hello, that he still loves me terribly and that he always will. Don't misunderstand -- Russell's not going to end up stalking me or anything, but he's still going to have these feelings for me.

Whenever I consider the depth of his love for me, I always feel broken somehow that I couldn't love him back that strongly. I guess I'm not looking for someone to love me; I'm looking for someone that I can love. I've never loved anyone the way he loves me. Actually, right now I'm not really looking for anybody -- I'm just just stretching my wings after sharing my life with him for just a month shy of thirteen years.

Sometimes, when I'm making love, I feel incredibly happy and complete with this man, I almost want to cry with the joy of it. There are a few guys that I respond to in that way, but the mood passes when we're out of bed and I just feel like their friend. I'm probably listening to my thoughts too much instead of my feelings. I've always let my mind restrain my heart and I don't know if that will ever change.

ROFLMQAO

Yeah, that last entry was a little weird, but I'm over it. DM left some chicken breasts behind from our dinner on Wednesday (two for one at the Giant!) so I rolled them in bread crumbs and parmesan cheese and fried them in a little olive oil, then ate them with some mashed potatoes and a bowl full of sliced homegrown tomatoes. Yum!

After dinner, I ate a Klondike Bar and watched "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" for the first time. What a delightful movie! I was laughing out loud! I'm very sorry that I waited this long to see it!

While I was watching it, I was regretting not seeing it sooner, which reminded me of a cartoon I once saw. It had an old man and an old woman, sitting in chairs facing each other. The old man says, "do you realize that we're probably the only two people in the world that haven't seen Star Wars?" Then he pulls out a gun, shoots her dead and turns to the reader to cackle, "now I'm the only one!"

Well, I guess you had to be there. :-)

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On Sunday, as I was walking to the Metro on my way to see Donnie Darko, I called Linda, a woman I used to work with at the non-profit in Baltimore. She was my partner in database crime and the two of us were quite close. She was very pleased to get my call, and it struck me how happy a phone call can make someone. I'll have to make more of them in the future.

Anyway, she told me that Ernest, my own personal PHB, was no longer with the company, although she was a little hazy on the details. Apparently, the story is that there wasn't funding for his position, but he was the Chief Operating Officer of the whole company, so that explanation doesn't really wash.

Another development is that I'll be going back to that company on Monday to do a little consulting. One of the finance people can't log into the databases since their network consultants upgraded to a new server and she needs that information to run invoices.

I'll be making as much in one hour as a consultant as I make in an entire day at my current job. My boss is okay with me doing this, and I'm not interested in working anywhere else at the moment, not that anybody's offering me my old job back. I wouldn't take it if they did. They had their chance to keep me, and they lost it.

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I think I'll take a dip in the hot tub and go to bed. I'm going to spend the day with xavier78 tomorrow and I want to be rested! :-)