In other news

I finally got Eric to join me for the monthly heart circle in Virginia. I've been trying to get him to tag along for the past couple of months, and when he backed out at the last moment after I had made the trip, I decided to spend the evening with him instead. Yay for showing the man that he's important to you, boo for missing the heart circle. :-P

Surprisingly, I was almost giddy with delight about rubbing elbows (and whatever) with the guys present. It was a smaller group this time, only six of us, probably because Doug neglected to email the customary notifications to folks.

I shared my new HIV numbers that I had received just that morning. I talked about how much I missed the circle and what a rush it was to be back again. I talked about how I was looking forward to visiting my parents in Florida next week and how we ended up playing canasta for thirty-six hours last year. Ah, memories!

Bob and Doug had conspired to collect some cupcakes from Cake Love and stabbed them all with candles to commemorate my thirty-eighth birthday, which is observed tomorrow — er, today. I blew out the candles, but couldn't think of a wish on short notice, which is strange. Everybody has wishes, right? I couldn't come up with anything.

Then we all went to dinner at some diner. Metro 29? Anyway, good food, good company, good times.

I spent the night with Eric and woke up to travel into DC for the day. Worked a little bit from the CyberStop cafe, then met with Steve and Mike. The rest has been well-documented.

I was talking with Kirk about this job stuff earlier tonight. "Big bucks, no skills, no experience," I said. "This must be management!" :-)

And another thing

Oh, the client liked my new approach to the project. We're testing different scenarios and making adjustments to accommodate any errors. We're not going to consolidate the files, so that means that once we have a solution that tests out, I'm done.

I think everybody involved is pleased with my performance.

Still another note

I also met with Robyn early this evening before I left to return home. We talked some more about this latest job possibility and how he felt about the situation with Steve.

He explicitly said that he bears no animosity at all towards me. He told me that if I don't get this other job, that I should take the job with Steve. He appreciates that I've been living on a shoestring to try to help his business — although I thought of it as "ours", it's of course his — and that I need to look out for myself.

Months ago, when I was feeling like I should be looking for another job to secure some health insurance benefits, he told me that for the preceding six months, he felt like every day I came into work was a gift.

We also talked in general about the issues of betrayal and forgiveness. He's prepared to move past this unpleasantness and offer Steve forgiveness, but he wonders if he'll ever be able to trust Steve again.

I learned a few years ago that forgiveness isn't necessarily something you do for the person who offended you. It's something that you do for yourself. And here's a quote I collected from somewhere: "Harboring resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other guy to die."

Tuesday night, Russell and I were talking about trust and betrayal. He says, "you know I'd trust you with my life," then stopped. "No," he said. "I did that. It didn't work out so well, did it?" He was referring to the fact that I contracted HIV while I was supposed to be careful whenever I might play with someone else. No, that didn't work out well at all.

He wasn't being mean. He's forgiven me. But we don't forget and we don't pretend.

No news yet

Russell called a few times today to find out if there had been any news about my job application. I assured him each time that I would definitely give him a call as soon as I heard anything.

I'll be sure to post something in this space as well. :-)