Bliss.

I'm in DC this weekend, caring for Jim's two cats again.

Last night, I arranged to meet a couple of friends at the happy hour at Titan. We also ran into a couple more, and the evening turned into an impromptu sex party with some pizza for dinner. Oddly, this wasn't really a sexual experience for me; I really enjoyed just being with these nice men. In fact, I was so relaxed that I never found my way to an orgasm, but I was quietly happy, just the same.

In emails, I had mentioned to Jeff M. that was contemplating traveling to the REI store near the Twinbrook metro station. I wanted to look at hiking boots, because I'm hoping to add more hikes to my life. He asked me to call him this morning to see if we might be able to shop together, and we ended up going to the big REI store in Bailey's Crossing, where I tried on several pairs of boots before selecting one that I liked. I also picked up some hiking socks and a pad to use with my sleeping bag, because Jeff and I are hoping to go camping next weekend.

After Jeff drove me back into the city, I took a nap and then met up with Bob R. and his friend Richard to see Water at the Dupont Loews Cinema. After the movie, we ended up across the street at Levantes for a very nice dinner and conversation out in the open air.

We went our separate ways after dinner, and I sat in the park at Dupont Circle to check my voice mail. One message was from Russell: it turns out that his new boyfriend's first and middle names are Paul Stephen; mine are Stephen Paul, which is an interesting coincidence.

While I was returning calls, I enjoyed watching all of the people in the park. There was band playing Dixieland Jazz, including When the Saints Go Marching In. The evening was cool and the sky was clear. It really felt wonderful.

So now I'm back at Jim's house. The cats are fine, and I may either continue watching a film on my PSP or resume a book that I have with me.

All is right with my world.

I am who I am.

I inadvertently realized today that we often cause ourselves stress by not living authentically. In our interactions with our friends or at our jobs, we try to protect ourselves. We may not admit that we don't remember someone's name. We may let an unfamiliar word or term slip by without asking. We may put on airs to impress whoever we're with in subtle competition.

More and more, I'm finding myself in a space where I don't feel the need to play that game. At work, I call it "owning my ignorance". Nobody at work expects me to know it all. My ignorance is assumed. None of my questions is considered to be stupid.

During my meal with Bob and Richard today, I asked each of them to explain an unfamiliar word or term.

It's a nice feeling to be (almost!) perfectly comfortable with who I am. I have that feeling more often as time goes by.

Baby steps

This week, I finally began making code changes to my team's project. Minor ones, to be sure, but I'm still very pleased with myself. In fact, I made some notes about my first change and reviewed it with my office mate, who has been feeding me these tasks, so he would know exactly what I had done.

Then I taped it to the door of the mini-fridge in my office, like a child's finger painting. :-)