I'm thirty-seven years old!

My birthday horoscope:

You have plenty going for you this year. Harness your creative imagination. You may have to make some adjustments along the way, but with your insight and good sense, you will come out on top. Your numbers are 15, 17, 23, 28, 31, 40

Russell, Mike D. and Eddie B. took me out for dinner tonight to the Minato Grill, my favorite Japanese restaurant. We had a great time and the three of them treated me for my birthday.

Russell gave me a copy of Suede's DVD as a birthday gift. He and I spent some time before and after dinner enjoying it. She's a great performer and puts on a fantastic show. On Sunday, Russell got a call from his sister, Millie, who lives out in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband, Jim. Russell had given them tickets to see Suede that evening, and they had called him to share their excitement after the show. Russell told me that they were just raving about how wonderful she was. I grinned with delight just to hear how much they enjoyed the show.

Doug M. called to wish me a happy birthday. He also inquired about Russell, which was very sweet of him. I'm very touched when my friends express concern for him just because they care for me. It's so wonderful that there's enough love and friendship to go around. Doug also told me I could crash at his place while he's away this weekend, and I might do that Sunday night after the party with Danny and CJ. Unless I get a better offer. Hey, it could happen! :-)

Looking backward

Last year's birthday horoscope:

This is a year of change. You can fight what is coming your way or you can go with the flow. Turn each new challenge into something worthwhile. Don't fear the future -- embrace it.

This was the year that I broke the heart of the man I had shared my life with for thirteen years. He and I are still working through the consequences of my choice. We're going to be friends -- we are friends -- but he's still torn up inside.

When I broke up with him, I had already wrestled with my doubt and with my feelings. He was just beginning, of course. It took me years to finally realize it was time to move on. I have no idea how long it will take for him.

This was the year that I got laid off from one job and started another. The new job is exciting, because I get to stretch my programming skills in ways that I haven't since high school. My boss forgets sometimes that I'm still learning because I exhibit such skill, but there are gaps in my knowledge where I'm missing skills that are pretty basic.

The new job introduced me to a level of financial uncertainty that really tested my limits. The picture is pretty rosy right now. Robyn gave me a $400 bonus yesterday, which I will deposit tomorrow along with my last paycheck. My hours have been ebbing, so the paycheck is only about $500, but I'll have almost $2,000 in the bank after I make the deposit. I've already paid my "life-support" for December -- health insurance, rent, commuter pass, so I've got enough funds to carry me through the end of January. This is important because I won't have many hours in December either.

This was the year that I woke up to the imperative that I challenge my fear and my shame about my HIV infection. I had to come out again with my friends and my family. I even told my boss! I've been lucky that nobody at all has made me regret telling them. I continue to strip the fear away, and I find myself with just an infection. Nothing more.

On Monday, my doctor told me that my viral load was undetectable, which is wonderful.

I've endeavored to "go with the flow" -- to accept things as they are and challenge my feelings rather than challenging the events and conditions themselves. I can't change the world, but I can change how I see it.

It's been a fabulous year.