Temptation

I used to live in Jacksonville, Florida before I moved to Baltimore in 1990. A few months before I left, I discovered the bath house there, Club Jacksonville. To this day it is my favorite bath house, although I've only visited a couple of others since.

One of the things that distinguished it was the full-sized swimming pool, the sauna and the whirlpool bath, all of which were arranged about fifteen feet from each other. I loved to go swim in the pool, soak in the whirlpool and sweat in the sauna. Even if I didn't get laid, it was worth a visit to the Club just to relax. They even had a eucalyptus room, although I never enjoyed that.

One of my favorite things to do was to simply float on my back in the swimming pool, naked to the world, the water in my ears blocking all sound. I find that to be incredibly relaxing.

Actually, I never went home without getting laid. ;-)

Over the years, when I visited my parents in Jacksonville, I'd conspire to run over to the Club at least once. I never told Russell. Privately, I believe that this bathhouse is where I contracted HIV on one of my holiday visits.

On Wednesday, I'll be flying back down to Jacksonville's International Airport to meet my parents. They're now living in Jasper, which is about a hundred miles west of Jacksonville. I'll be staying with them for a week.

So now I'm thinking about the Club. I'm thinking about making a visit. But guys go to bath houses to have sex and I'm unprepared to confide my HIV to a complete stranger.

My friends tell me that nobody in that environment is unaware of the dangers of infection and that I have no responsibility to disclose my status, but that I am responsible for ensuring that I play safe. I don't dispute that position, even though it makes me uncomfortable. However, I think I'd rather just dodge the whole scene and stay home.

See, I've learned that sex by itself isn't very interesting to me anymore. I need to be with a man that I can trust, a man that I can be vulnerable with. Someone with whom I already have a connection, and the physical contact is a means to deepening that connection. I have a strong feeling that bath house sex will not make me feel good, and will probably make me feel bad.

It's too bad that I don't have any friends in Jacksonville from when I was living there before. I wouldn't mind getting away from the parents for an evening. Perhaps I'll see if the Junction is still open. The Junction was my favorite bar. It was a friendly sort of neighborhood bar, where guys and gals would gather to watch football and play pool. Very laid back.

But I don't think I'll be going to Club Jacksonville.

Thursday evening

Sunday morning, and I'm laying in bed reading the Sunday New York Times... on my laptop. I found several interesting articles in the New York Times Magazine and flipped back to columns and articles from previous weeks. I love the Internet. :-)

On Thursday, I had a nice evening with Gene R. For my birthday, he took me out to dinner at a place called Sobo Cafe across from the Cross Street Market in South Baltimore. The food was fantastic and I've resolved to suggest Sobo the next time my friends and I are trying to pick a restaurant.

Of course, dining with a sexy man just makes a good meal even better. Gene and I had a great time talking about this and that. I told him about my history and my fascination with the bath house in Jacksonville. He suggested that if I were already wrestling with that temptation, nearly a week before I left for my trip, then I probably wouldn't win. I think I've worked through that, but if I do succumb, I'll write about it.

For a long while, I've considered adding some sort of exercise to my routine, and hanging out with folks like todc, gregmce, legalmoose and heterodoxy has given me more incentive. Now Gene and Bob R. have independently suggested that I'd enjoy the exercise and it would do me a lot of good. Gene tells me that a friend of his saw a significant increase in his T-cells after beginning a program of running. Bob tells me that I have a good frame and that the results would look good. I think just learning the discipline of an exercise routine would be the challenge for me. I've written before about my procrastination; just following through on exercise would be an achievement!

After dinner, Gene and I retired to my apartment where we cuddled a little. Then we snuggled a little. Then we kissed a little. Then the clothes came off and soon I was trying to make sure nothing stained my couch. ;-) We took a shower together and crawled under the down comforter on my bed to snuggle some more before he had to head home.

After he left, I burrowed into my bed and slipped off to sleep with a glow of contentment.

Present for the parents

I'm leaving for Florida on Wednesday and I have no idea what to give my parents for Christmas. I know that a gift isn't a requirement, but I'd like to offer them a small token of my love for them, something that they would really enjoy but wouldn't have thought of for themselves.

My best Christmas gift ever was a gift to my parents. I had visited them for Thanksgiving one year and spent about a week. I noticed that the shower head (one of the shower heads on a hose with adjustable flow) in the bathroom was just about ready to fall apart, so I picked up a new one, wrapped it and left it for their Christmas present.

Christmas morning, the old shower head finally gave up the ghost and fell apart. They were very surprised when they opened my gift and found a brand-new shower head! It was a miracle of perfect timing!

This year, I'm at an absolute loss.