Perspective

Tonight, I watched a DVD of a documentary, Absolutely Positive, published in 1991. The film maker, Peter Adair, interviewed eleven people with HIV for the film.

I was very touched by this confession by one of the interviewees, Greg Cassin:

"I don't even know what year this was, that I actually... but I think my very first experience was I was coming out of the Castro Theatre and my friend said, 'that guy with the brown jacket has AIDS.'

"And I remember this... this total fear coming over me, and... just a lot of fear. And they introduced us, the group of people to one another, and the guy with AIDS made his point to shake hands with everybody there. And I remember that was my first time meeting somebody with AIDS, and the fear, and I didn't want to touch him — I didn't want him to shake my hand.

"And so I put my hand in my pocket, and I waited until we got to a restaurant so I could go into the washroom. I felt so sad and so guilty that someone who was in a place of needing so much compassion and so much understanding... that I wanted to run away and I didn't even want to touch him.

"And I was thinking, 'God, this guy is so beautiful and so powerful,' the way he put his hand out to everybody and I thought, 'I wonder if he knows what I'm thinking? I wonder if he knows what I'm thinking? I wonder if he knows how afraid I am?"

Tears were welling up in his eyes as he related this, and he paused a couple of times to frame his thoughts.

Things like this help me maintain my perspective. I have a wonderful life, despite whatever difficulties I have to deal with. I've never had to summon the courage that the man that Greg describes needed in order to confront the fear and the shame. I have to do the same thing in my life, but it's much easier in this time. 2005 is much different in many ways from the 1980's.

Just another reason for gratitude.