Pushing my limits

[discord35]

You need to learn to observe yourself clearly and with a penetrating honesty that melts right through your own thoroughly built-up defenses.

"Hardcore Zen" by Brad Warner.

I get messages from folks that read these entries, praising my honesty and integrity, exclaiming about how much I'm sharing and how brave I am. "Fearless" is a word I've heard.

I appreciate the compliments, but that's not really true. Believe me, there's lots of stuff I'm not sharing. I still have boundaries. This ain't the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. "Fearless," I'm not.

Still, it's true that I'm a lot more open now and a lot more willing to make myself a little vulnerable by sharing some uncomfortable things, and this journal is a mechanism for pushing myself a little more. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about sharing something, so I don't. But other times, I share something despite the discomfort, and it suddenly isn't a big deal. Most of the time, any discomfort evaporates as soon as I submit the entry, as if it's a done deal, so no more use in worrying over it. (Despite the fact that I can delete any of these entries at any time.)

It's also very interesting to get these admiring messages when some of the stuff I write about is not very admirable at all.

Comments

Pushing my limits

[kenny73.livejournal.com]

I believe that we are seeing much growth in this beautiful man. Journaling is very much a part of growth for us; fear, however is a powerful foe which we must confront. We may not always be successful. But at least we give it a shot.

[spiritquest.livejournal.com]

Fearless is as fearless does.

There is a lot more fear out there than you would guess. Its a bigger problem than you think.

I think your journal is at least the truth and nothing but the truth. And the whole truth can never be captured. You share at a level that very few people share at. And if you leave something out, its because you don't want to break data encapsulation - not because you are hiding something you want us to know.

And just because your motivations are selfish, doesn't mean you are not fearless.

You are fearless and that is admirable. Accept it or I may have to repeat myself.

[discord35.livejournal.com]

Yes, sir!