Pushing my limits

[discord35]

You need to learn to observe yourself clearly and with a penetrating honesty that melts right through your own thoroughly built-up defenses.

"Hardcore Zen" by Brad Warner.

I get messages from folks that read these entries, praising my honesty and integrity, exclaiming about how much I'm sharing and how brave I am. "Fearless" is a word I've heard.

I appreciate the compliments, but that's not really true. Believe me, there's lots of stuff I'm not sharing. I still have boundaries. This ain't the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. "Fearless," I'm not.

Still, it's true that I'm a lot more open now and a lot more willing to make myself a little vulnerable by sharing some uncomfortable things, and this journal is a mechanism for pushing myself a little more. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable about sharing something, so I don't. But other times, I share something despite the discomfort, and it suddenly isn't a big deal. Most of the time, any discomfort evaporates as soon as I submit the entry, as if it's a done deal, so no more use in worrying over it. (Despite the fact that I can delete any of these entries at any time.)

It's also very interesting to get these admiring messages when some of the stuff I write about is not very admirable at all.

Comments

[discord35.livejournal.com]

Yes, sir!